Will You Smile At (I Mean Dance With) Me?

A strange and wonderful thing happened to me at a Halloween swing dance this year. As usual, it was a well-attended gala event. Most people, including me, were decked out in costume. It was early in the evening, a lively song came on, and I asked a masked man who was standing near me to dance. He wore a long cape with a hood and not one part of his head or face was visible. I had no idea who he was. He nodded yes, we got into dance position, took a few steps together. Then I looked up at him and the magic began.

 

He was smiling at me! Or rather, his mask was. Of course, I knew it wasn’t a real smile — it was fixed, molded, unchanging. And, the character it represented wasn’t a hero type, neither an Elvis nor a Superman. I believe it was  the Guy Fawkes character from old London protests or the shadowy freedom fighter, known only by the alias of “V’, with a slim mustache and narrow beard.

But, nevertheless, it worked. We never exchanged a word. That smile alone said he liked me and liked my dancing. Every time I looked at him, it was there, that relentless grin telling me I was a good dancer and he was enjoying it. It had a mysterious effect. I felt happier, more confident. I even thought I was dancing better…and maybe I actually was. I kept smiling right back at that frozen face and maybe that made him dancer better, too.

Who was that masked man? If I ever dance with him again, by chance or intention, will his real face smile like that? Will something from that encounter stay with us at an unconscious level?

It’s not like “Dancing With The Stars”.  Anyone who has been in the social dance scene knows there is an interpersonal dynamic that can make or break a dance partnership. People do not always connect well, physically or psychically. There can be a snobbishness or intimidation about dance levels and abilities, or just a personality clash. If you push the envelope, ask someone new to dance or someone who has been around but never asked you, this can play out in different ways. The most common way is by facial expression and almost anything other than a smile can be misinterpreted as a judgement on you or your abilities. Some people, for whatever reason, never make eye contact and give no feedback at all.

It happens. I am not a timid person; I dance well enough and am comfortable on the swing floor. I have found myself on both sides of this subtle struggle. I always try to be a pleasant partner and encouraging to beginners. The operative word is “try”. While a grimace when your arm is twisted or you get banged in the head is hard to disguise, a kind word afterward often helps. “Don’t worry; it’s only a flesh wound.” –or– “Dancing is a contact sport.”

smiling cue balls

Let the magic continue. Now I have a new tactic. I am going to be sure I smile a LOT. And, if I have trouble drumming up enthusiasm for the current partner, I will think back to my masked man and remember how wonderful I felt when he shined that immutable smile at me.

7 thoughts on “Will You Smile At (I Mean Dance With) Me?

  1. Marjorie Bellesiles November 15, 2018 / 1:35 pm

    Hi ML…Thank you for sharing your insights and a little about the magic of a dance and a smile!
    I smiled continuously while reading your story….still smiling, Marjorie

  2. Susan Trevillian November 15, 2018 / 2:40 pm

    Totally charming!!! 👍😀😀

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. Katherine November 15, 2018 / 4:19 pm

    What a beautiful article! What you said is so true on every level of life. A smile goes a long way in spreading peace, good will and joy. Thank you for making my day better with these works.

    • accidental goddess November 15, 2018 / 9:16 pm

      As they say in the south, “you are too kind!” I appreciate this coming from a fellow dance and blogger.

  4. Nancy Greenman November 15, 2018 / 5:08 pm

    BRAVA !!!! Dance, dance, dance !!!!

  5. Tenekia November 17, 2018 / 5:13 pm

    Absolutely love it!!!!

  6. hotlantamax November 18, 2018 / 4:00 pm

    Your blog reminded me of what I have observed over the years: dancing causes participants to smile. What an easy formula: get your body moving with a partner to the music and you will be transformed into a happier person!

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