accidental goddess

The article At Capacity by Melissa Kirsch (copied here) appeared today in my morning New York Times newsletter and it really resonated with me.  Her struggles are painfully familiar. I am also an avid reader who has trouble remembering what I’ve read, especially if I read it on my Kindle, where everything seems transient and ephemeral.  It’s different with hardcopy books; every time I pick them up, I see the title and the cover and those visuals seem to help…somewhat.  Sadly, books aren’t the only things I wrestle with.

It’s an overall problem

Being a techie, I also think of my memory in relation to a computer.  For several years I thought I had ample storage with a faulty access method.  I knew a particular fact was in there; I just couldn’t get to it when I wanted to.  Then, perhaps hours or days later, it would pop right up.  One night, while out to dinner, I randomly blurted out “Jeff!  It was Jeff!”  My partner knew what I meant because we had both been struggling to remember this guy’s name, while our friends were appropriately puzzled.

One of my worst and most embarrassing recent lapses was about a book.  I saw a copy of The Matrix by Lauren Grofff at a friend’s house.  It looked interesting and I asked to borrow it.  She said she thought I’d already read it.  Hmmm. I took it home anyway and, a chapter or two in, I realized that I HAD read it…but I couldn’t remember much about.  I finished it, enjoyed it, and then recommended it to another friend who is a professor of Medieval Studies.  She reminded me that I had actually sent her my copy last year!  😦   To which I replied, “Please don’t tell my kids or they will put me in a home.”

Lately, I do think that my brain might be at capacity and any new memories I make will have to write over the old ones.  So many details, so little space!  If this can be true, whenever we have new experiences or meet new people, we might need to evaluate whether it’s worth losing something else to remember them.  Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly how my storage is organized.  Would remembering a new person overwrite (and delete) the memory of another person, or overwrite another random memory, like the memory of a restaurant where I ate or the storyline of a book I read?

Melissa Kirsch’s article includes several good references about memory and brain function that I plan to read…and then, more importantly, HOPE to remember.