What it was like to find my daughter

After many years of buried grief, existential worry, and the continuous cycle of abandoning/resurrecting hope, I found the daughter that I had surrendered for adoption in 1965. People often ask me “what was it like?” and my short answer is usually “trippy”. Although it was, and still is, a VERY BIG deal for me, that answer usually works. I do talk about it, but only briefly, in the blog I wrote Honoring My Daughter’s Parents. Here, I try to explain the magnitude.

After several long phone calls with many revelations, I went to New York to meet her; it was also the first time I got to see her sing. She was the vocalist for the Groove Gypsys and that same weekend the band had a gig at the Holiday Inn nearby. My son Eric and my good friend Gem, who both lived in the area, came with me as my support team. It was a magical experience, almost mythical. I say mythical because it made me think of the birth of Athena, the Greek goddess who sprang from the head of Zeus fully grown, dressed in armor, ready for battle, and yelling war cries.

Think about it. My daughter came back into my life as a 36-year-old adult. The last time I had seen her, she was 5 days old, wrapped in a blanket, asleep in my arms. And now, here she was — center stage, a forceful and commanding presence, bursting with talent — singing, shouting, screaming her heart out. Nothing in between prepared me for this phenomenon.

I share two videos of her performing, albeit at other gigs, and maybe you can imagine some of my jaw-dropping awe. [My BF took the first one (2:03 minutes) with his phone camera at her 50th birthday party (while I cried). The second one (5:47 minutes) is on YouTube.]

At her 50th birthday bash

Channeling Janis Joplin

And it’s always like that for me EVERY time I see her…whether she is singing or not. It still feels otherworldly, mystical, strange and wonderful…in a word, trippy!

Of course I am sad that I did not know her as she grew up and developed into the smart, strong, dynamic woman she is today. But, but, but…I am ever-grateful to the forces in the universe that brought us together. My heart is full. She truly is a JOY.